Suffolk and Good

We said it would happen and it has - The Darkness are hot stuff!  So with permission to speak, uk-fusion distracted flamboyant frontman Justin Hawkins to ask about spandex, stitching and being starkers

A lot has happened to you in the last 12 months - you must be knackered!
Yeah, exhausted!  Death on legs really, that sort of thing…yawning, heheheh!  Yawning and limping!  Weary carcass...  Our motto is ‘never stop the dance’, heheheh!
Do you feel more like a rock star now?
Yeah it’s changed - not dramatically.  We’re doing the same stuff we did couple of years ago but without worrying too much about things.  It’s happening now – the ball’s rolling, so it’s just a case of trying to keep up with the ball rather than pushing it.
Has signing to a major label speeded up the process or has it made no difference?
In this country it would not have made any difference ‘cos we've still got the same independent team working with us.  The only thing is, we’re doing stuff in Germany and America.
What have you blown your advance on?
I’m having a white patent leather suit made…mostly see-through!  Heheheheh!  But I haven’t made any stupid, large purchases.  I got myself a new gold guitar but that’s it.
You’ve been described as “camp metal rockers” – do you agree with that?
“Camp metal rockers”?  I agree with the ‘rockers’ bit.  People who say ‘camp’ are male.  There is a correlation between how male you are and how jealous you are. (laughs)
Well, you’ve got the balls to wear all that.
Absolutely!  That’s what the women say.  Men say “you’re camp”, women say “you’re masculine”.
You look really good.
(giggles coyly) Oh stop it, you!  You’re making me blush!  Where have you seen us?
At the Astoria (05 April 2003).
That was a good show.  Did I come across being really camp?
Er, no...don't think so...
Heheheheh!
You saved the best suit to the end.
The white one?  I’m not wearing that one any more.  I tried to do the splits in it but the arse split and one of my balls fell out on a TV show.  It’s irreparable now. (sounds quite disheartened)
You’ve supported an impressive list of bands.  Who’s been a pleasure to open for?
(immediately) Def Leppard.  They’ve been great and so have The Wildhearts. 
Has it played havoc with your egos?
We don’t assume that having played with these people we’re instantly innovated to their status.  The minute you start getting arrogant about that, is when you stop making friends.  We can’t afford to do that just yet.  When we headline, then we’ll become real arseholes! 
Weren’t you asking for trouble by opening for Disturbed (with a heavy rock audience who pelted you with bottles)?
Yeah, that didn’t go too well.  I wobbled my arse at them a bit too much and I think they got upset.  Somebody got so desperate they threw their wallet at me.  We’ve got Metallica coming up so I hope that doesn’t go badly!
Promo copies of your début album Permission To Land have been fetching £50 on Ebay months before the release date.  
That’s good!  About a fiver a song, innit?
But you’re not getting a penny of it, are you?
No, we’re not.  If people are stupid enough to pay that sort of money for an album that’s out in a few days, they’re welcome to do so, as far as I’m concerned.  It’s actually idiot journalists (present company excepted) who do that.  Bunch of pricks - especially the freelance ones who don’t get much work and people who write for the NME.
Who gets the most attention – you or your brother Dan?
I don’t know really – bit of both.  Dan's out more than me; I like to keep a low profile.
Really?  That surprises me.
Well when I’m out, I don’t like to make a splash.  I go to the ballet, opera, and seafood restaurants whereas Dan’s always in the pub so he gets all the plebs!  
The last track on the album is called ‘Holding My Own’. You seemed to be doing a bit of that in the outtakes from the 'Growing On Me' video. Is that one of the hazards of wearing tight-fitting cat suits?
The thing is you have to go commando in those things.  It’s a question of how you avoid looking like you’ve just pulled your haemorrhoids forward, or when you get a stray testicle that wanders off to the right.  They’re a nuisance, those things. 
Was everyone uncomfortable with you being naked for the video?
No, no, no.  We’ve all known each other for a long time!  Heheheh!
Er, I think you’ve said enough.
No, sorry, not in the biblical sense, no!  Obviously we’ve all got winkles, innit – apart from you!  (laughs)
Your tattoos – they’re a bit...er...
What?
...odd like the flame grilled whopper one.
Ha ha ha!  Excellent!  (turns to the rest of the band in the van)  She's just used the phrase 'Flame Grilled Whopper'!  (raucous laughter can be heard)  I like that!
Do you have plans for another?
I haven’t finished the one on my arm yet with all the flowers - that needs doing.  I’ve got another one, which is going to be a surprise.
Oh, not on your bum, is it?
Yes. I am going to have it done on my bum but I’m not going to tell you any more.
Are you planning on recording the second album fairly quickly or will you be resting on your laurels?
I hope it’s this some time year.  We need to write new stuff and finish off the b-sides to this lot of singles too. 
I don’t want it to be five years of solid touring and then finally get round to doing a shit one.  I mean, just spend a couple of weeks in the studio and do another one like this, you know, another good ’un.
Have you got a thought for the day?
’You can’t polish a turd’.  Ed’s just saying 'we’ve all got to duck when the shit hits the fan' but I reckon we should go with ‘You can’t polish a turd’.