I did it! I really did it! I can stop panicking now. Did what? I passed my make-up course! A bunch of certificates arrived in the post last week and now I’m the proud owner of some fancy sounding qualifications in various areas of make-up.

I can tint lashes and perm ‘em, you know but I wouldn’t recommend them. Well, you hardly notice the difference from dying your lashes and the perming lotion stinks. So, you’ll be pleased to know I have no intention in practising in these particular areas. Nope, just let me loose with a powder brush and I’m happy. I hope. I don’t know if I can remember how to do it all actually! 

Well, hello there. Here I am, back once again. Thanks to Mojo for last week’s poetic editorial. All those things really did happen to us in the space of one day. Most bizarre. Any hoo, normal service begins here. It’s been a pretty chaotic week in the life of Miss Sheenie Shaikh, one in which I don’t really wish to go into other than there was a burst in the old water works – a combination of the arctic temperatures we’re experiencing in the British Isles, the train to work in the morning being late and subsequently packed full of selfish commuters (including one heavily pregnant woman who barged past and nearly pushed me into this bloke’s lap – why didn’t she get up from her seat before the train stopped at her destination instead of leaping up at the last second?!) as well as work and inconsiderate passengers standing in the middle of the platform with their suitcases in the way while I desperately tried not to trip over them. I missed my train home by a few seconds thanks to all those stupid morons. As a result, I had to wait 25 minutes for the next one, which was suitably running late. If it wasn’t Friday, I’d have cried.

Speaking of crying (with laughter), the new series of Footballers’ Wives has kicked off (bad pun, I know) and it’s absolutely terrible! But I have to watch it. It’s not quite the same since that gorgeous Harley left but you can rely on the rest of the cast fall to on their arses with their thespian skills especially Amber (played by Laila Rouass who can’t act for toffee) and Bruno (played by Ben Richards). I once interviewed him. Years ago. In just a towel. Not me – he was in just a towel. I don’t know if he was attempting to impress me with how buff his body was (you get nil points for shaving your chest hair, honey)…I just kept wondering what I was doing in his dressing room. Well actually I do know the answer to that – it was an interview – I just don’t know what made me do it. Any way, if you haven’t already seen this programme, try to watch it and look out for Liberty – that woman has a mouth like a vacuum cleaner! Plus she is supposed to be playing a model born and brought up in London yet she speaks with an American accent!

So Chico off the recent X-Factor series is number one this week with his record ‘It’s Chico Time’. He knocked off Madonna (I mean, knocked her song off the top spot) and um, I admit, it’s grown on me. I don’t know why! It just makes me laugh which is no easy feat with the crappy weather but I am seriously concerned why his video is full of kids while unsavoury pictures of him are circulating on the internet from his days as a stripper. And I don’t mean of the wallpaper kind.

Finally, I was given the good news that news anchorman Jon Snow (sigh! He’s in Tehran at the mo – what a hero!) has a son who is a hottie. Yep, Mojo confirmed she saw Jon Snow Junior on the TV this morning but I want to see proof of pics. Someone show me a photo now! But when I met Jon, he only told me about his daughter and how he had given her an Arabic name because he loved visiting the Middle East. I bet he wants me all for himself, the old devil! Ahem. Shiny Sonia and I are currently engaging in a war of words – well, she keeps reminding me that Jon said she could lick his ice-cream. And on that note, I think I will call it a day. Same time next week!