Well HELLO!  I’ll start by saying I have no tales of bumping into celebrities or seeing wonderful plays, because unlike our own Queen Afsheen, I do not live in the land of smog, squalor and sell-ebrities! I live up in the grim north (Yorkshire) for those geographically challenged (me included). Up here, I have to amuse myself by sky diving (luckily there is sky everywhere, we just have more room to land and fewer tower blocks) and snowboarding (albeit indoors).

It’s just occurred to me what a wonderful opportunity writing the editorial is. I’m going to start by telling you about some cool bands I’ve been listening to lately. The first is Van She. An Australian band that manages to blend black metal powerpop and techno and recommended by my wonderful friend Katie. Check them out at www.myspace.com/vanshe!

Next up is Arkham Razor. A London band, they have the most wonderful low dirty sound that I just love and I can sense some real potential in them, give them a listen…

www.myspace.com/arkhamrazor

Lastly is Mark Greaney, former JJ72 frontman, an all round nice guy and a wonderful songsmith. We met up in Leeds at one of his previous gigs (http://www.uk-fusion.com/content/view/835/). He has some solo dates in May across the country. Check him out: http://www.myspace.com/markwgreaney . 

Well, you’ve had the nice people, now hold on for the nasty!

I’m got a few things to get off my chest because I’m a pretty opinionated. On today's hit list is what I consider the non-celebrity that we seem to be over-run with or if you will, sell-ebrities. They’re the sort of sad, Z-list nobodies begging for column inches to help restart their - AHEM! - careers! Then there are those who are constantly rammed in our faces for no good reason. Please find below the very worst offenders:

1)       Kerry Katona – who cares what this silly bitch does or who she screws??

2)       Peter Andre – yeah he’s a nice guy, and? He’s married to an Ann Summers blow up doll. And??

3)       Lindsey Lohan – she’s young, rich and gets drunk. “Ooh ooh, call the press! You did?? I was being sarcastic.”

4)       David Beckham – he plays FOOTBALL, he doesn’t FLY!! Get over it.

5)       All rappers that write about coming from the streets, then complain about being shot at. Stop whining and buy some bulletproof bling!

6)       Paris Hilton – empty headed blonde dimwit with all the sex appeal of a brick.

7)       Heather Mills –If she really cared about the environment, she’d donate her divorce settlement to Greenpeace! Yeah?

8)       Anyone from a boy band EVER!  - This is self explanatory.

Oh my word, that does feel better. AAAHHHH. If I’ve offended anyone, then tough shit. This isn’t a popularity contest and any way, you probably have no taste and not one original thought therefore you aren’t smart enough to be offended. What you experienced was actually a bowel movement. Deal with it!

Take care and thank you to everybody who helps so selflessly with the site you know who you are! You SUPERSTARS!!

Later,

Ryan