A Load of Balls  

Pop-punk is taking a twist with Canadians Simple Plan, who are fast becoming as famous as maple syrup.  Drummer Chuck and guitarist Seb are on hand to drop their pants (and balls) on uk-fusion's unsuspecting editor

“Where do you want do it – the sofa or on the table?”, inquires drummer Charles 'Chuck' Comeau with a cheeky glint in his eye, before deciding the table is best. 

It's a glorious, sunny day in North West London, as I sit opposite two fifths of Canadian punk rockers Simple Plan.  To my right, is Chuck.  To my left is guitarist Sebastien 'Seb' Lefebvre, and judging by the constant giggling and exchange of private jokes between the two, I've resound myself to the fact this pair will keep me on my toes for the next 30 minutes.

You’re pretty lively having just flown in from a long flight.
S: It’s all the drugs we take, it makes us happeee! No! Not for real! We’re just lucky; we’re high on life.
Are you aware of the comparisons made with Greenday, Blink 182, Good Charlotte, Sum 41, New Found Glory et al?  What can you say in your defence?
C: We do get compared and it’s really flattering because all the bands you’ve named, we love. We’re big fans of them and it’s just cool to be part of the same scene.  Besides, we don’t have a number in our band!   And we’re five (compared to Blink who are three).  On top of that, we speak French.
You've enlisted the help of Good Charlotte's Joel Madden and Blink 182's Mark Hoppus on your album.  Who else would you like to work with?
C: Greg Graffin of Bad Religion.  That would be dope.
(At this point, Seb and Chuck's eyes wander towards Patrick - the chap who runs the band's website  - who is perched on the sofa, with a camcorder)
C: He films us all the time.  It’s like the Reality Show.
S: Yeah, we're on Real Band tee-vee!
C: (suddenly remembering the question) I would love to work with Jay-Z.  You must not have a lot of worries when you’re that rich and you’re banging Beyoncé.   I wish he could come in one of our videos and bring all his girl friends.  You know, HIS friends that are girls?  That are all in HIS videos?
S: His posse of girls!  
C: Yeah, his posse of pussy!
You’ve got quite a few on the album cover for No Pads, No Helmets...Just Balls, though.
C: Yes but they were all paid for and they really hated us.
I thought it would have been fun for you to shoot that cover.
C: It was alright.  I think Seb had a really nice view.
S: Actually, yes!  I was feeding cake to the girl in the back -  her dress kept going down and her nipples were popping out!
Is your album title inspired by Take Off Your Pants & Jacket?
C: We just wanted to be funny and that was the best we could do!
S: That’s how funny we are!
C: I think Take Off Your Pants & Jacket is a better title than our record.
S: You know what?  I second that notion! (sounds as if he’s on the verge of giggling)
C:  I like it.  It makes a lot of stuck-up people say “balls” on TV and radio. If we're on the Top 40 show or something, they say: “Yeah!  The new record is called No Pads, No Helmets..” and then they kinda hesitate...they don’t wanna say it but they have to. (pauses) How about you say it?
No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls?
C: That’s right!
(Both mimick ‘balls’ in an English accent before bursting into a fit of giggles) 'Bolls'!
C: Oh!!!  So sexy!
Thank you.  What song makes you cry?
C: They just asked me that question on the phone!
S: That’s sooooo funn-eeee!   
C: We did a phoner...
S: (excitedly interrupts Chuck) Ohhh!  The Titanic song! [Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’]
Well you would say that, being Canadians.
C: It has nothing to do with that!  It’s just a great piece of music and a great movie. (to Sebastien) Is there a song that makes you cry?
S: I don’t think so.  Movie songs I cry more in so...
C: (ignoring him) Yeah there are some songs that really get me emotional like NOFX's ‘The Desperation Has Gone’.  It’s about dying in a plane crash.  He’s dying with his girlfriend (in the song) and he’s saying “hold onto me, who cares, we’re going down but we’re not alone.” 
What’s been your worst day?
C: We haven’t had any bad days lately.  For the last year and half, we’ve been touring and it’s been pretty fucking awesome, to be quite honest.  My worst day ever was probably the day I told my parents I was leaving school to be in a band.
What are you tired of being asked?
C: 'How did the band form?'
S: Yes! Everybody knows now.
C: Who cares?!
S: Exactly!  It doesn’t matter!
C: It’s the same thing – we’re best friends from high school and bla, bla, bla.  It’s so boring!  The other question I’m really sick of is 'why Simple Plan?'  If you had it there..?
No, I don’t!
C: That’s good!  Take it out ‘cos this is the best we could do, OK?
Your lead singer, Pierre Bouvier, has a really beautiful name...
C: It sounds like a French baker's name...somebody who would make bread.
No, not bread!  It sounds very sexy.
C: It sounds sexy?
S: (bolts up) OHHHHHHHHH!
C: You wanna meet him?
S: Now you’re DEFINITELY coming to the after party!
Why do you mention your favourite boy bands on your website profiles?
S: It’s a joke, Goddammit!  (laughs)
C: We’re way too ugly to be in a boy band!  We can’t dance for our lives…
S: Oh we’re crap.
C: …and we actually play our own instruments so that disqualifies us to be in a boy band.
But you look so pretty on the album sleeve.
S: Why, thank you!  (giggles)
C: You think we look pretty?
Yes. 
C: That’s the first time we’ve ever been told that.
S: Yeah OK, Patrick, leave the room!  (Patrick walks out whilst on the phone)  Yeah, that’s good!  Hello, how ya doin’? 
C: I think you should come to see us play live.  It’s us wearing t-shirts and shorts, sweating and not giving a fuck what we look like.  I don’t think we’re that cute when we play live.
S: So any way!  That boy band thing on the website was a joke!
Canadian exports are doing quite well here: Avril Lavigne, Nickelback, Theory Of A Deadman…
C: Yeah, fuck those guys!  They kicked our ass at the JUNOs!
S: Did they?
C: They’re like the Grammies of Canada and we were up against them for Best New Band and we lost!
S: We’ll kick their ‘ahrse’!
C: Yeah, fuck them.  Any way, keep going!
Is this the face of things to come?  Flying the flag for Canada?
C: It’s very exciting that people think Canada has more to offer than snow and bacon.  
S: Yeah and maple syrup!  It makes us get out of our log cabins every once in a while and write songs.
C: Now we’re going on tour with Avril Lavigne and Gob, so it’s like the Canadian invasion.
Who do you like from the UK?
S: Coldplay and...Robbie Williams of course!
Are you being sarcastic?
S: No.  He is…fun.
C: UK music is very challenging; it’s too intellectual.  That’s why Americans don’t get it.  It’s surprising that American bands do well here ‘cos there is such a different level of music.  I like music from here, I like music from the States.  There’s no style, no country, it’s just about what’s good or not. 
Do you think Chad Kroeger's ugly?
C: He looks like the Lion King.
S: Yeah, he looks like the Lion King!  Don’t you think?
I don’t think he’s that bad.
S: Really?
Yes, really.
C: (leans closer) Would you...do him?   Would you shag him?
S: Apparently he’s a good shag!  That’s what I heard! 
C: I heard he has…uh…big hits!
S: Yeah, hur, hur, hur!
You’re in each other’s faces a lot.  What are your worst habits?
S: Sometimes I push Chuck like that (hits Chuck on the shoulder) and he falls.  Then he punches me in the face.
C: Seb is the best person to live with ‘cos he’s so calm.  He never gets into a fight and he never whines.
S: I run away!  When people fight, I run!  Run!
C: He’s probably one of the nicest persons in the band.  David will do everything to make people laugh but he’ll complain a lot so that’s the one problem! 
S: Yeah and then there’s you, (to Chuck) who’s there to please our eyes, ‘cos whenever we look at him, he’s so radiant with good looks and positive energy!
I didn’t get to sleep till 3 this morning…
Both: Really?
S: What were you doing?  Fucking with Chad Kroeger on the Internet?  Oh!  She’s not telling us!  Well!  That’s funny!  See, we’ve learned a lot about you too!
You’re never going to see me again.
C: Hey.  Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow morning.
What don’t you leave home without when you’re on the road?
C: Clothes.
S: Yeah, boxers.
C: I can’t live without a cell phone.  That makes me so shallow!  In America, we have this thing called a two-way pager (it wires emails).  That’s very good!  I like that! 
Boxers, briefs or do you go commando?
C: (straight away) Commando.
S: Boxers.
C: Look!  (pulls up his boxers)
S: (excitedly does the same) I got new ones! 
C: Hey!  I got the same!  You bought the same pack?
S: From Wal-Mart?  Yes!! 
(both do a 'high-five')
C: We have the same boxers!  Ooh, that’s bad...
S: Now people are going to think: “Wow, they wear the same shirts, they wear the same boxers!  They probably share!”
Do you?
C: Hey, listen!  We share a lot of stuff like pornography but we don’t share underwear.  I wouldn’t share.  I mean, it’s way too big for those guys – they would float in it!
Chuck, you used to be a music writer.
C: That’s right.  I used to be you.  It was for a weekly magazine in Montreal, which prints 100,000 copies for free because people wouldn’t buy it!  I used to do interviews with really cool bands like Mighty Mighty Bosstones and Ten Foot Pole…bands that I loved.  It was a good chance to meet really cool, good-looking people….
S: ...that you wanna hang out with later.
C: That’s right.  I met a bunch of girls with that job – joking!  I only got to interview guys.
Why did you jack it in?
C: (starts reciting the opening lines to House Of Pain's ‘Jump Around’) “Jack it in, let me be-gin”…sorry.  I don’t know…what does that mean? 
Why did you give it up?
S: It’s about…’bolls’.
C: It’s about putting your balls in your boxers.  You know, Pierre's genitals are always out of his boxers when he gets drunk.
S: He does 'the wristwatch'.  Maybe he’ll show you later!