‘Won’t Go Home Without You’ is the third single from the moronically named second album from Maroon 5 (It Won’t Be Soon Before Long). Returning after their ka-zillion selling Songs About Jane, the band got straight to number one with the new album, and clearly have high hopes of repeating their success story.

So, cue another exercise in singing through the nose, accompanied by a slow pseudo-funk build-up to chorus, and repeat… Not necessarily a bad thing, of course, but it has to be done correctly. Songs About Jane offered a fine selection of this generic formula executed with aplomb and some killer melodies which just wouldn’t get out of your head, no matter how hard you tried to cave in your skull with a hammer after finding yourself squealing ‘And she wiiiiiiiiiill be loved’ for the millionth time. While some might see it as a point in favour of ‘Won’t Go Home Without You’ that hammer-cranial activity is not required, it does, unfortunately, also mean that the song isn’t memorable in the least. Its subject, chorus, verse, tune… err, everything about it is boring, forgettable, if not skittering about the borderline between being merely inoffensive and just plain crap.

In short, this record is a waste of time, except for empty-headed teenage girls who know no better, and whose skulls are, presumably, impervious to hammer-blows any way.
(2/5)