There’s a new fashion these days for 20-somethings and under – to sport trousers hanging a little too low for their youthful waists, and to offset this with an army-issue style belt that isn’t quite tight enough. 

The result is, whenever one of them prepares to play a shot on a pool table, or leans into conversation around a table, the rest of the world is treated to an ungainly shot of the top of their arse-crack. 

This is yet more repellent on those people who haven’t grasped the quite elementary fact that to pull this dubious ‘look’ off successfully (and successfully is relative), you should preferably have laid off the pie diet so that your fleshy handles aren’t riding over the side of the jeans, making you look a bit like the F.A. Cup except for the fact that nobody wants to pick you up.

Which is my point, in a way; fashion trends seem to be calling for less, not more, in the way of clothes.  Fine by me, in some ways any way, but consider this; the last few years have seen us recycle every genre under the sun in the name of “fashion”; the 1960s during the “cool Britannia” phase of the mid-90s, followed by the short skirts and winged shirt collars of the 1970s and the horrendous graffiti excesses of the 1980s.  We’re running out of decades to reinvent, and so the answer appears to be “Wear less! Wear less! And soon, you can wear nothing at all!” The ‘caveman’ look all over again!  Wouldn’t that be lovely?

No, it wouldn’t. Why? Well, cavemen were skinny.  You’d be skinny if you had to chase your dinner through forest, swamp and primordial ooze before catching, skinning and cooking it.  In contrast ponder this; in the last 50 years, studies have shown we as a species, and especially over here in the Western world, are getting bigger, expanding, swelling. 

In other words, we are becoming a nation made of lard.  And I’m not talking about people with eating disorders here, though a cursory glance at the statistic tables for the rise in bulimia and anorexia nervosa amongst under-30s makes alarming reading. I’m talking about the fact we eat like pigs at a trough, slewing as much pre-cooked “microwave for three minute”-swill down our necks as possible before belching loudly and having another pint of lager en route to Luigi’s Kebab House  It’s ugly, is what it is.

So here’s the future in 2014. An oasis of fat people waddling down the high street,  women naked except for a pink bra/thong combo and chafe marks on their thighs, men with saggy tits bursting out over the waistband of their baggy jeans.  The pavement will literally quake in terror.  Is this where fast food and fast fashion’s leading us? Pray to God that it isn’t.  And, even if it is, the French will still look good with it. Bastards.