Hang on there a minute while I fetch my soapbox, would you? Thanks. Right. There was a time when life was simple: boy meets girl, marries girl, some children pop out, and off we go again. Now, apparently, nothing’s that simple, which is why soap operas are full of tawdry love affairs and the divorce rate is through the roof.  Ah well.  I suppose it beats staying in with the wife.

So, what’s this?  Why, it’s a girl band releasing a single about how the singer is "stuck in the middle", which isn’t actually a reference to a dirty threesome fantasy but instead refers to the fact that she can’t choose between the two men she’s knocking off...which makes me wonder a lot of things; primarily, whether I can be bothered to raise any interest in a song about a girl who, likely as not, lost her virginity behind the back of the local Kwik Save to an acne’d chain smoker called ‘Baz’ and is known on all the local estates as the ‘voodoo doll’ due to all the pricks she’s had in her.

I could, of course, have talked about the fact that this sounds just like any other sad and weepy pop single with one of those generic boom-a-chicka drumbeats and layers of phony synthesised strings, but who's going to feel sorry for anyone bemoaning the fact they’ve got too many men? Not me, sister!  Get yourself to the nunnery!
(2/5)

Release Date: 16 February 2004

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Stuck In The Middle