Michael, Michael, Michael. uk-fusion's pin-up boy and thinking woman’s Jason Statham (do keep up, he’s an actor), Michael Hulme is not content to settle for being the most controversial, eloquent and forthright journalist working in the global music scene today. His work in the field of fiction shines out, a solitary beacon of hope in an otherwise terminally dull cabbage patch of neurotics and whiners.

Michael is also an incredibly talented lover and, though he doesn’t kiss and tell, we can exclusively reveal there are no less than three Hollywood leading ladies currently residing in various American mental hospitals as a result of the trauma they suffered when he terminated the relationship. "It was difficult," he says, "but when you love someone, I believe you have to set them free."

That kind of selfless attitude has led to Michael’s never-ending quest to find a cure for cancer, a feat that has seen him nominated for seven Nobel prizes. Meanwhile, he is the leading light in the World Peace Movement and works tirelessly for charitable causes, though he doesn’t like to talk about it. "A good deed is it’s own reward," he says with one of his trademark winks that reduces women everywhere to weak-kneed lust-ridden fools.

Michael can be contacted by email, but if he doesn’t get back to you, it’s probably because he’s too busy fighting the evils of starvation and exploitation. He’s a maverick crime-fighter, an incredible chef, and a goddamn sexy piece of ass. He also writes his own biographies.

Oh yeah, and his postcode (that's zip-code to our foreign friends) ends with the letters "B" and "J".