Thank the Lord it’s over.  For months the media wouldn’t shut up about it and people were still prepared (as always) to pay stupid amounts above the face value. Worse still, no one was put off by being squished amongst thousands of other revellers (most likely to be pissed, and let’s face it, you would have to be sozzled to enjoy the harrowing experience). 

Glastonbury is gone for another year.  Hurrah!  Now I won’t have to hear any more about it.  The football is over too – just how much good news can a girl take?!

I understand a large number of you who read this site, went along for the annual ritual in some large field in Somerset.  Some even had a ‘hospitality pass’ – the chance to go backstage, skip the long queue for drinks and (gasp!) more camping space.  What, like an extra square metre?

Please tell me, how do you manage without a hot shower for three days and a pristine clean and fully plumbed lavatory?  Just what is so bearable about a smelly portaloo, over-spilling because some arse has tried to flush too much loo paper which has consequently caused the blockage?  How much fun can it be to reek like a cow’s behind?  And who wants to see ape-boy Liam Gallagher mooch around the stage in a daft Parka?  I don’t get it!  You won't ever succeed in convincing me of the life-changing experience but hope you enjoyed yourselves.  Whatever turns you on...

Closer to home (well, to do with me, I mean), it looks like I have another battle on my hands.  As if I don’t have enough with Naked Grandad exposing his droopy bits (his belly and man-boobs, I mean) in his back garden, someone has been nicking all my nuts.  And here he is.  I presume it’s a he – because I say so. 

Like in the old Carling Black label ad, this thieving bastard expertly climbs the tree and onto one of the branches from where the bird feeder is hanging from, before pushing it off and removing the lid and scarpering off with all the peanuts.  I admit, I was impressed the first few times but now I’m furious as the little beast has broken the feeder, so I'm unable to securely fit the lid back on. 

At the rate he gets through the nuts and at how often I will have to replace the feeder with a brand new one, I’m going to be broke!  Plus I’m jealous the other neighbour’s garden is a bird sanctuary.  She gets all sorts – blackbirds, robins, crows, magpies and squillions of other birds while I get this evil squirrel.

I shall leave it right there because I’d like to keep you hanging on.  If your eyes haven’t already been averted, there is a fine feature on male lap-dancing courtesy of our Nickta – the saucy senorita.  I highly recommend you check it out – if not just for the hilariarse pictures of Niki being smothered by a naked man.  (Hmm, nothing out of the ordinary for her, I suppose.)  What will your mother say when she sees these pictures, Niki???  Shame on you, child!