I remember Keith Allen’s sneering response to a question posed by Terry Christian on The Word about the significance of Adam and, erm, his Ants. Soft Cell have been similarly unheralded. Yet it would, perhaps, be easier to list the groups they haven’t touched the imagination of than those that they have. But I’m a sucker (for punishment), so here goes. In no particular order: The Smiths, New Order, Pulp, Nitzer Ebb, Madonna, Aphex Twin and Frankie Goes To Hollywood. And that, my friends, is just for starters.

It’s an interesting image, Marc Almond spawning other bands. Especially as the playground rumour doing the rounds when I was still in short trousers concerned his visit to a casualty department to have his stomach pumped. Apparently, it was full of a substance not too dissimilar to frogspawn. Almond has consistently denied the veracity of this urban myth, so on a less salacious front you could always describe Soft Cell as providing the nucleus for the musical scene that followed them.

To the show itself. And what a circus show of freaks it is. Bald women and dwarves feature as extras. First track is ‘Entertain Me’, which does anything but, being too art-school and consequently up-its-own-rectum. Next song ‘Bedsitter’ is a considerable improvement. To my slight bewilderment, I find myself singing along to half-remembered lines: “Dancing, laughing, drinking, loving.”

Soft Cell’s Non-Stop Exotic Video Show, a companion piece to 1981’s Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret was originally released in 1983, before the arrival of MTV to our screens. You can’t half tell. Videos, despite being directed by the already-legendary Tim Pope, in the main look like a DIY job. The rule-proving exception is the visual accompaniment to ‘Torch’, a haunting video which cleverly employs Almond’s ghostly-white face as a projector for a succession of childhood images, at the beach, in the garden; dancing, laughing, but never drinking or loving.

More typical is the amateurish ‘Secret Life’ which has Almond playing, depending on your interpretation of his get-up, either a Greek god or a Roman emperor. Meanwhile partner Dave Ball indisputably depicts a cricketer. Nice sweater, Dave.

Enough of the look. What about the noise they make? Well, it’s the sound of a ‘80s school disco. Listening to ‘Frustrations’, the decision for Madness to choose Morrissey as support for their 1992 reunion concert in Finsbury Park doesn’t, on reflection, seem such a strange one, mixing, as it does, Baggy-Trousers-style sax with indie whining.

Although highly seminal, it would be churlish to pretend that Soft Cell’s relationship with music wasn’t anything but symbiotic. As well as planting the seed for future generations, they reaped what their musical forefathers had sown. As a result, we have the likes of the punky ‘Sex Dwarf’ to thrash around to.

There are more highs than lows on this album. I’m no Michael Moore, so here’s the flip side. The inclusion of the risible ‘Say Hello Wave Goodbye’, for one. It’s just about saved by its chorus. Then there’s the bits between the tunes, songs incidentally culled from the Erotic and Ecstatic Dancing albums. Initially, Almond’s “mypartnerdavidfurnish”esque rambling amuses. Then his cheeky chappie persona starts to simply gall and the cheap thrills become wearisome.

Far better when this pop pixie opens his mouth to emit melody. The single known and adored as ‘Tainted Love’ will never date. It’s summer. Holiday time. Take time out to explore my, if not your own, musical youth.
(4/5)

Release Date: 26 July 2004

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Non-Stop Exotic Video Show