Jungle cat Pedro must be on his last life if this third single off his come-back album The Long Road Back is anything to go by.

This single is talked about more for the fact it features his novelty girlfriend Jordan (sorry, Katie Price) in the video, done up less like a Dolly mixture and more like a prune – dark tresses, collagen lips overdone and baked to the same colour as a chocolate cookie. (I realise that analogy makes no sense but her appearance – despite the video shot in moody black and white – does not nothing to distract from her awful fake tan.  She’s darker than Peter!)

The story goes, Jordan wasn’t too chuffed to hear a model would cavort around with her boyfriend on screen, so thrusting her bristles forward, she took to the role instead.  And it’s disturbing.  Just like the song.  Apparently Peter’s contemplating about where a failed relationship went wrong, something about “If I loved her the right way” over some naff whispery backing vocals.  My suggestion, get acquainted with a good map.  With such titles, obviously he has a problem with direction.

Did I forget to mention it’s a ballad?  Peter Andre. Ballad.  Sounds like a carnage.  There’s one saving grace, however – he doesn’t sport those tarantula type-legs as a fringe any more.  Even then, no amount of back-peddling is going to make this work.  In a word, unforgivable.
(1/5)

The Right Way