Golden Wonder

In less than a year, South Wales’ slickest rappers, Goldie Lookin’ Chain, have scored with their Greatest Hits LP and made leisure-wear super stylish. On their return from Japan, they’ll be hitting the Road To Rehab in the UK from 11 February. With days to go, the spirtually named Mystikal – the only one with a goatee – gives uk-fusion a blow-by-blow account of all things wonderful and Welsh

First thing’s first, that’s not much of a Welsh accent you have.

(laughs) I’ve been around for a very long time and moved around.

I was hoping to hear one.

(booms in a really bad Welsh accent) I can do one for you, looove!  Don’t you worreee! My dialect’s been bastardised a bit – sorry.

So, how are you?

Not too bad. We had a gathering yesterday with the rest of the lads, trying to sort out this trip to Japan. We’re going to get a bit of a culture shock when we go out there.

Are you going over there for a promo trip or tour?

We’re doing a couple of shows (one in Tokyo and one in Osaka) and I think for the first time ever we’ve actually got a little bit of time off so hopefully we can get a guided tour.

How do you feel about being called chavs?

Every time we discuss this, Billy Webb seems to get the wrong end of the stick. He was actually thinking they were on about chaffing and was like, “Well leisurewear is really quite practical. I don’t understand why people keep going on about it.” We had to take him to aside and explain. As long as you don’t say anything derogatory about my mother then I don’t really mind.

Do you suffer from chaffing?

Er, yeah, I have on a couple of tours but I’m happy to say the ointment stuck and the infection’s cleared up. It’s all to do with man-made fibres. I don’t think they do any good to the skin really.

Is Jimmy Saville [wrinkly old British TV presenter who wears a lot of cheap leisure-wear and presented a TV show called Jim'll Fix It in the 80s] your fashion inspiration?

He’s a national institution. We’ve been forced-fed Jimmy Saville through the wonders of television from a very early age. The special chair with the little drawers where all his spliffs and cigars were kept, the jewellery, the tracksuits, the shades, the fact that he was into music for a bit, he runs marathons and he still smokes cigars – brilliant!

What would you ask him to ‘fix’ for you?

I tell you what – this is a true story now that has annoyed me ever since it was on television. There was a kid I went to school with who wrote into Jim’ll Fix It and got to fly a helicopter. Cheap and cheerful, brilliant, made the kid’s day, fantastic, I’ll always remember that. Now, I wrote in and you know, fair play, if he’s done it, I can do it as well. “Hello Jim, I’d like to meet Luke Skywalker, please”. I never heard from him and then the next week, Jim had fixed it for this kid to go down to a train station and slam all the doors on the train and that was his bloody Jim’ll Fix It! I was well fucked off. He could have got to meet the Dalai Lama, he could have flown in a hot air balloon across Scotland but no, he had to go and slam all the fucking doors on a train. I think that’s proper shit.

I never got a reply from Jim either.

Well bless your heart. Never mind, you’re in good company, sweet-heart!

Is there any truth in the rumour of a collaboration with The Darkness on ‘Walk This Way’?

(laughs) Once again, I’m not entirely sure where that came from. I think it was over-zealous journalism that created that. If we were going to do a cover version with them, we’d have to put a spin on it, something like ‘Wank This Way (The Exciting World Of Masturbation At Your Finger-Tips)’.

What exactly is a Goldie Lookin’ Chain?

It works on many levels depending on your perspective and how sober you are or not. It’s a meeting together of like-minded individuals to create spiritual music and it also explains the individual links of the chain that go to make up the chain so it’s the different characters in the band and the fact that the band is a lot bigger than most people normally realise. It’s not just the eight of us. We’re like the hardcore members who packed in our shitty jobs to chase a dream elsewhere but the rest of the kids who come along with us on stage, will jump around, sometimes even get a microphone if they’re lucky and it’s a fantastic state of affairs. But the thing you’ve got to remember is, it’s not actually made of gold, it’s only goldie looking. That’s the paradox that lies at the heart of the GLC.

Why don’t you rap in Welsh?

It’s a funny one, this. If any of the hardcore Welsh speakers come down to Newport and start speaking in Welsh, nobody has a clue what they’re on about. You can laugh but as such it’s weird. Newport used to be part of Monmouthshire, which was part of England so we’re kind of like the black sheep (if you excuse the pun) of Wales. At one stage we’re part of England and we’re always hated that, and then we’re part of Gwent which is part of Wales – it’s almost like we are forgotten about but in turn we get to use various Welsh phrases and they command our language as well. Did you know the Welsh for jellyfish is ‘pisspob wibbly wobbly’?

No. Really?
Yeah, yeah, Billy Webb taught me the other day!

Valentine's Day is coming up and  you need to buy a present for your girlfriend. Where do you go – Argos or Index [catalogue stores in the UK]? 

Oooh, probably Elizabeth Duke [Argos’ jewellery range] or Ratners. Do you know the story about Ratners? Ratners was cheap as chips jewellery chain in the late 80s to early 90s (and the chairman of Ratners when asked about the quality of his merchandise, said “I would never buy any of it ‘cos it’s all shit!”. A couple of months later, he went bankrupt. So it just goes to show, if you’re running a successful jewellery empire, don’t diss the merchandise.

Which one of you has the biggest chain? Interpret that however you like.

Ha ha ha! Mentally, I would say Xain has the biggest chain. Physically, Maggot, spiritually I’d say it’s probably a draw between me and Adam Hussain.

What will call your actual Greatest Hits album?

Er yeah, we’d be a bit stuck for that! Um, we’d probably call it Greater Hits or Hits That Are Even Better Than The Ones You’ve Heard Before.

Catherine Zeta Jones or Charlotte Church?          

Oh, Churchie every time! She’s a Cardiff girl as opposed to Zeta Jones whom, I believe, hails from Swansea. It’s great this! Every time you ask a question, I can tell you a story – it’s brilliant! Catherine Zeta Jones’ dad made her to dance on tables in pubs in Swansea. Proper cheap and really skanky, you know, like a working men’s club but they converted it for a night where they passed a pint pot around and people made donations according to how many clothes she took off, how erotically she was dancing, whether she got the beat round or not. When people play MC Hammer, it gets a lot difficult but yeah, she had a lovely time in Swansea and her dad did make a little extra cash for the rest of the family on the weekends. She’s done alright but I’m not into this whole losing the accent thing. I’m allowed to, having lived for 2000 years and moved around but Zeta Jones…hang onto your roots, love, don’t worry too much about what the Americans think. If they don’t understand you, just talk a little bit slowly.

What do you think is going to be big fashion wise in 2005?

I think tin foil is going to be making a re-appearance at many of our gigs. I would like to see trainers made of gold or gold lining in clothes. Diamantes were a little bit too 2002, I think gold thread is going to be the way forward. Also I’d like to see more people wearing the belts in Karate and Judo simply because they look cool. You’re walking down the street in a rhythmic motion – makes you feel like a ninja. Brilliant.

The Stereophonics – discuss.

Do I like them? Oh yeah yeah, we met the one, the only Mr Stuart Cable and his lovely hair at the Tsunami gig and he was brilliant. He’s fucking hilarious! He reminds me of a mischievous Brian May but only ‘cos of the hair. I think he tried to squeeze my arse but he might have just been a little over excited.

When do you expect to roll out the second album?

Hopefully we’re going to get some shit out before the start of the summer but for the time being, we’re going to concentrate on the tour in February.

You’re kicking off your Road To Rehab tour on the 11^th of this month.

I’m glad you know ‘cos I don’t have a clue!

What have you got planned for the tour?

If I was to promise you a hundred per cent carnage, then I don’t think I’d be selling us short.

Road To Rehab – that’s a good name.

It’s not bad, is it? It’s nice. Every journey starts with a single step.

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Greatest Hits  Book tickets for Road To Rehab tour

 

Additional questions from Matthew Hirtes, Ryan Lee and Mojo. No part of this interview can be reproduced without the permission of uk-fusion.com.