Another seven days have gone by, and what a week it has been. The pope passed away, Niki chatted up Chris Evans outside his market stall, poor Matthew missed out on Glastonbury tickets (and it was his birthday yesterday – 21 again?) and Earth Girl broke the news that she’s off to America for the summer to join one of those summer camps or something. That’s right, she’s jacked in her “crap day job” and is off to the other side of the Atlantic to be tortured by a bunch of screaming and egotistical kids. I hope you realise what you’re letting yourself in for… Still, I wish you the very best and hope you will have oodles of stories to tell us when you decide to return in autumn (sorry, the fall).

This week two of Emily D’s brothers are in London town (sans big sister) and it’s my duty to be their hostess. Aw, they sound so eager too…shame they’re going to be very disappointed with my efforts then. I’m sorry, I’m a crap ambassador for the United Kingdom. All I can offer as compensation is my invaluable company. I tell ya, that’s priceless! Seriously I’m having to beat off the competition and I still can’t find a nice husband. Tsk!

At the end of the week, I have an invitation to a dinner party hosted by a friend who got hitched last year. I haven’t seen the girl since the wedding last summer, so I'm not sure in what manner I should conduct myself. Should I refrain from cracking really bad jokes, making eyes at her husband (I’m kidding!) and generally trying to take over the conversation? Or should I sit there with a sour expression on my face, hoping it won’t add to my laughter lines? Yeah, I reckon I will need botox soon – I’ve got some aging fine lines around my mouth now – not good! I’m not supposed to have wrinkles yet, am I??

Any way, it will be an interesting evening. I'm just waiting for my chosen outfit to be returned from the drycleaners' (very grown-up), though I am a little worried when they said it's going to be very risky to clean something with sequins and fine details on it. Well! That's not my problem, you're the sodding drycleaners, you ought to know how to fix it! I’m tired, I reckon I need a lie-down so I’m going to pop off now but before I go, I’d like to wish a happy birthday to Lolly/Lisa (who’s hauled up in a cottage in some report part of Scotland with her beau) and belated greetings to Matthew. Mwah! I will see you in June ;-)