As you may be aware, if you read last week’s editorial or have bothered to browse my profile, I live in Las Palmas. Or Las Palmas de Gran Canaria to give it its full appellation. I’m roughly 50 miles from Africa and 700 from mainland Spain.

The only other thing interesting I can think (and I warn you it’s probably anything but) to tell you about the Canary Islands concerns its name. Contrary to popular misconception, the title given to the bright yellow finch synonymous with the island group derives from the term Canaries rather than the other way around. It was the Romans, who arrived considerably earlier than the Spanish who waited until the 15th century before invading, who first coined the expression, Canaria Insula. It’s Latin for island of dogs. And, believe it or not, I’d much prefer to live in the Isle of Dogs than here.

I have Him upstairs (it’s a colloquialism, I’m no believer which makes me stand out in this most Catholic of countries) to thank for small mercies, though. At least, I’m based in the north of the island, in the capital. The south, despite it’s better weather, is hell (again, just an expression) by another name. There seems to be no planning restrictions and all the bars and clubs are located in grim, concrete shopping centres.

A 7-Eleven-style store has recently opened around the corner from my-far-from-palatial abode. It’s, also, coincidentally close to Molino de Viento, the Soho of Las Palmas in that it’s full of knocking shops. I like to point this out to people. A 24-hour shop next to a 24-hour street. It’s the only ‘joke’ I’m able to tell in Spanish.

Which brings me on to the language barrier. Like most English people abroad, I initially resisted the opportunity to learn the lingo. But after one ‘vegetarian’ meal too many containing suspiciously fleshy bits, I’ve done some bullet biting and purchased Assimil's Spanish With Ease. At 97 Euros, that’s around 66 of your British pounds, it’s not exactly 'barato'. That means cheap. See, I’m picking up stuff already.