Oh. Hello. I’m back – just about. So I skip the editorial for a couple of weeks due to a host of reasons (a mini-break in Budapest perfectly timed with the new look of uk-fusion in its final moments of being completed) and then I return to find my computer has pulled a sickie and shows reluctance to recover fully. What followed was a complete formatting of the hard drive thus losing all my files. I’d like to think of it as an early spring-clean or a kind of PC detox. And in my absence on this page, Ryan kindly filled in for me so thank you for that, sir!

Right, that’s the formalities out of the way. What on earth has been happening in the past seven days?! Oodles! And I don’t know in which order to begin so let’s go for the snowball effect. Last week, Mojo went to the launch party of the MOBO Awards in London, where she saw none other than three – COUNT THEM – three Big Brother 6 contestants: perma-tanned Antony (easily mistaken for a friend of Dorothy’s), pneumatic yet vacant Orlaith (call those tits, darling?!) and drama queenie Kemal. She also cooed and giggled at standing inches away from Lemar. Apparently there were a bunch of other celebs from the world of music and television but Mojo admits to being quite useless at recognising them so unfortunately their identities cannot possibly be verified. You did good, lady! Apart from recognising the Big Brother lot…

Meanwhile Lisa toddled off to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and not wanting to be outdone by Mojo, spotted Jane Seymour waltzing down Prince’s Street in a floral dress and met her hero Rolf Harris. She even got on the telly with him too, the minx. 15 seconds of fame is what you said, love?  Rolf was in Edinburgh recreating the Mona Lisa but on a larger scale (9m x 6m to be exact) with the aid of 120 canvases by over 120 artists. Very impressive!

So what about me? I only went to the National Village Cup final at Lord’s on Sunday. Who? Whaat? Eh? Good questions. About 400-odd village cricket teams battle it out amongst each other to be in with a chance to play in the cup final at the home of cricket, Lord’s. This year the two lucky teams were Sheriff Hutton Bridge (from Yorkshire) and Eynsford (from Kent). About eight coach-load of supporters came down from Yorkshire and all. Rowdy lot, those villagers. Sheriff won, we had a great view and tea/coffee with scones and then we bundled off to watch the end of the fourth Ashes test match in a bar. Enjoy the pictures – you don’t get entertainment like this (for free) and on any other website, you know.

 

On a more serious note, however, I discovered a fraudulent transaction on my credit card statement last week just when I decided to stop using it before I maxed it out but the amount spent wasn't my concern, it was the fact that it was used on an online cricket shop that had got me stumped (oh, good one, eh??). I mean, why and how and most importantly who used it and for what? God, if you're going to use someone else's credit card details, try to pick a place less conspicuous to buy from! By the way, I am NOT condoning the misuse of credit cards. It is a very serious offence and thank the Lord the bank credited me for the purchase and decided to investigate it too. You're a bastard, whoever you are - using my credit card. Fool. Did you not think I would not notice?

Now I’ve got a hunch about someone. Someone who hasn’t made an appearance in the editorials for some time and quite rightly so for he hasn’t done anything to be deserving of the privilege. Jonathan Hungin, I’ve tried to be reasonable but you leave me no choice now. You’re in for a mighty whinge because you agreed to review something but have failed miserably. The only thing you have coughed up are the lame excuses. “Aw, my laptop isn’t working so I can’t type the review”. Well it’s fixed now so where is it? No, you see Hungo was too busy drinking the bar dry at some music fest in Clapham Common on Sunday. He’s probably still unconscious as I type… Hey, doesn’t that place have a reputation…? Walking dogs, I mean…

Come on, Hungo! Pull yer finger out! I can’t be dealing with such gubbins as this. Not after I got the bouquet at a wedding yesterday before it was snatched out of my hand at the end of the evening. By the bride’s sister. A bouquet of wilting flowers. What was she planning to do with them – take ‘em back for a refund? I was fuming for about 5 seconds and then thought, ‘Sod it, why sink to her level – they’re dead any way. Besides, I’m not superstitious – just fucking unlucky!’ Good thing I didn’t attempt to wheel the chocolate fountain back to the car…

 

And that concludes the events for this week. Quite an exciting edition too. Don't forget to check out the superb additions to the site including an interview our Matthew did with Misty's Big Adventure while he was in the UK recently. It's very good! He's back in Las Palmas now. No doubt weeping at the prospect of not returning to this island till Christmas. Boo-hoo-hoo!

 

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Read previous editorials:

2005
2004